I have been a mother myself for seven years. Seven minuscule years, colored with joy, excitement, hope, tiredness, weariness and self doubt. Not a day goes by in my life without wondering if I'm being a good mother to my children. Will I be able to cope when things go wrong? And most importantly, will I be able to shape them into good human beings for their future? Sadly, I don't think I'm very good at this so-called 'God's given talent'. I find myself struggling with each phase and episode, sometimes wishing I knew every answer to them. Answers which books and magazines don't seem to provide.
Silent Nurturing; graphite drawing with tea stains and watercolors
Recalling my own childhood, my mother was not the sort who showered her children with tender loving affection. Although I know how much she cares for her children, there were times as a child when I wondered if she loved us at all. She was always away during the day, trusted our care to nannies and even as we grew up shared no deep emotional connections with her children. And yet she provided all our needs, gave us things we wanted, made sure we went to the best schools, "pushed" us to be successful and well married. Were those her own way of being a good mother? Maybe this God's given talent comes in all shapes and sizes. That sometimes children are to learn about it by themselves?
With my childhood experience, I have vowed to provide my children with the one thing I craved as a child. My mother's presence. So I quit my job the day I held my daughter for the first time and never once looked back. I knew there would be sacrifices to make and I'm still learning to adapt every day even as I write this. No matter how big a doubt I have hovering above my head, being a mother is now my first priority and I'm in it for life, to endure and embrace. My only prayer is that one day my children would be able to see pass all my imperfections and understand how much they mean to me.
Special note: I have been lucky enough to have met women who seem to be blessed by this amazing talent. Some I met in person, and some through this blog. This is my dedication to them, and one that stands out in memory is this particularly lovely friend, who as I see it, blossoms each day with motherhood. Bless her heart. ♥