Saturday 20 November 2010

Silent Nurturing

People say that being a mother is a God's given talent which every woman naturally possesses. The ability to endure physical and emotional changes for bearing and rearing children is unquestionably one thing only women are able to do. But why do some marvel from others? And how is it possible that many break down before their very own eyes? Is it because imperfection is in every human being? Or is it just a proof that like many other talents, being a good mother resides in some women but not in others?

I have been a mother myself for seven years. Seven minuscule years, colored with joy, excitement, hope, tiredness, weariness and self doubt. Not a day goes by in my life without wondering if I'm being a good mother to my children. Will I be able to cope when things go wrong? And most importantly, will I be able to shape them into good human beings for their future? Sadly, I don't think I'm very good at this so-called 'God's given talent'. I find myself struggling with each phase and episode, sometimes wishing I knew every answer to them. Answers which books and magazines don't seem to provide.



Silent Nurturing; graphite drawing with tea stains and watercolors


Recalling my own childhood, my mother was not the sort who showered her children with tender loving affection. Although I know how much she cares for her children, there were times as a child when I wondered if she loved us at all. She was always away during the day, trusted our care to nannies and even as we grew up shared no deep emotional connections with her children. And yet she provided all our needs, gave us things we wanted, made sure we went to the best schools, "pushed" us to be successful and well married. Were those her own way of being a good mother? Maybe this God's given talent comes in all shapes and sizes. That sometimes children are to learn about it by themselves?

With my childhood experience, I have vowed to provide my children with the one thing I craved as a child. My mother's presence. So I quit my job the day I held my daughter for the first time and never once looked back. I knew there would be sacrifices to make and I'm still learning to adapt every day even as I write this. No matter how big a doubt I have hovering above my head, being a mother is now my first priority and I'm in it for life, to endure and embrace. My only prayer is that one day my children would be able to see pass all my imperfections and understand how much they mean to me.

Special note: I have been lucky enough to have met women who seem to be blessed by this amazing talent. Some I met in person, and some through this blog. This is my dedication to them, and one that stands out in memory is this particularly lovely friend, who as I see it, blossoms each day with motherhood. Bless her heart. ♥



28 comments:

  1. I guess the talent can come in all shapes and forms, but I'm sure, from what I've read, you are a great mother!
    I love this drawing, the girl looks so happy and safe, there is a certain warmth about it that you just can't find in many places :)

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  2. This is so beautiful. I love the composition and the concept behind this drawing. Your work is lovely. <3

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  3. To me, aside talents which are varied from one person to another, but I think what god has given to you are those that He think you will able to cope with :) He know you are able to do it and He will not give you those th you are cannot (hmm I sound like a priest).

    Have some faith and confidence in yourself :) You are stronger than you think and you will be like your painting: nurtured your children, with your own way :)

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  4. What a heartfelt post. I'm a mother too and yes, we throw all those insecurities at ourselves. Are we good enough? Do we give enough? Are we a good example? I know that we'll never think we're good enough!! Just think of what you do for your children - the very fact that you gave up work to take care of them says something to special to me.

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  5. This is so very beautiful. You have out done yourself once again Darling Girl. How are you? Hope that all is well with you and that you are having the time of your life. We have been missing each others, but this was fixed by your visit to me and now mine to you. Wishing you all the best with laughter and hugs a plenty.
    Again, Excellent work!
    Hugs
    V

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  6. Hi Amalia! You are so open and loving in your art, I cannot imagine that you do not lavish that emotion on your children.

    We are soon to embark on the teen adventure, and right now I am keenly aware that I must sharpen my Mom intuition to navigate those scary waters. Who knows what lies ahead?

    Those little old ladies are right when they say, "Enjoy them, they grow up too fast."

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  7. Amalia, I couldn't agree with you more. My oldest, Summer challenges me every day. I never knew that motherhood could be so very difficult and rewarding all at the same time. aren't we blessed and lucky to have been given the gift, even though some days we fight to find the answers, we can only do our best. i always try to remember that. Your artwork is so special. so thoughtful and full of love is this. hugs to you, mom to mom!
    xxoo
    heather

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  8. Wonderful illustration. Love your style!!

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  9. My dearest Amalia - I am so touched that you mention me in this post - I have to chuckle though as I have just finished a week full of mommy frustrations, very little patience, and a fairly black cloud hanging over this mama. Been sick with a cold and then allergies, and as I'm sure you know, it can be so difficult to take care of oneself when there are so many other little ones to attend to!

    I admit to wanting to curl up in my bed with a good Agatha Christie book, a hot cup of tea, and just self-pamper....sigh....not to be.

    Thank you so much for this much needed boost just when, to tell the truth, I was not feeling like such a great mum at all! :-)

    Hugs and this thought for you:
    As mothers, we ALL go through stages where we are sure someone has given us these little precious ones by mistake, sure we don't have the tools, instincts, natural ability, patience, etc to do the job right. This can be especially difficult when you are raised by a parent that may not have covered all of those bases well (as I was). The answer, I have always found, is LOVE. LOVE them. and then, when you are sure you are royally screwing up, LOVE them some more.
    Hugs of encouragement,
    Smiles of commiseration,
    and a shout: "Mothers Unite"

    xxoo
    JuliaChristie

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  10. Warm, Caring, Affectionate, protective. Beautifully illustrated and expressed! Well done!

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  11. Oh...How could I not mention that this picture is divine - Your art always moves me - wish I could own a copy of every one, they each touch me in a different way and that's a sign of really great art.

    Don't forget to hug and nurture yourself, love the Mama, so the Mama can love the babies.
    This can be as simple as a quiet cup of tea without the little ones around, just enough to care for YOU.

    hugs
    JuliaChristie

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  12. Thank you, sweetness, for the warmth of your wings. This is a beautifully tender drawing. The angled tilt of her head says more than words ever can.

    Motherhood. Whoever said that every woman has this natural talent sure did not know what they were talking about. It's definitely a learning experience. And magazines and books mostly serve to make you feel even more inadequate. Judging by the amount of expressiveness and love in your words and drawings, though, I have no doubt that you are a wonderful mother. We can make mistakes and lose our tempers, but showing our children love and devotion builds a strong foundation to withstand any turbulence.

    Hope you are having a beautiful weekend. Now, I'm off to shake my theboose.

    xoxo

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  13. Beautiful blog and illustration!
    xx

    Johanna, sweden
    art

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  14. hihihi :) I can imagine the headaches that I have given to my parents... but I realize we all share a responsibility to help us grow in our family, that is not only my mother's occupation, but mine, my brothers and my father too,

    uhuh! this is a comment from a non-mother! (yet)

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  15. I thought "I am a good mother" can be compared with mine thoughts: "I am a good sister? am a good daughter?" - I think you're a good mother Amalia, you have a sweet heart

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  16. Amalia, I have been thinking of you! I hope you are well. Ah, no words of wisdom from me. I suck at motherhood. In fact I suck at so many things. I can write rules and basically, that's it. Take care dear Amalia. Tsup!

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  17. this is piece is so wonderful. for me it shows how we find our family in many places not just the one we are born to.

    I also created a business at home so that I could be a stay at home mother. My son is grown now.... but I think all mothers doubt their ability, it is one of the hardest responsibilities a person can know.

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  18. oh my heavens....this is so beautiful...I love it....great concept Amalia!!!

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  19. Hmm, well I have a bird... :)

    But seriously I admire you so much for quitting your job, such a big decision. But your art is flying. I think it will carry you to where you desrve to go.

    Great image (great is such a great word eh?) Better than err 'rubber' as an example.

    Like I would say 'rubber image'. Oh I 'rub' your work, It's so rubbery. :)

    But seriously the nest is so remincesnt of the thorns, the folded wings are so motherly, its kind of spiritual.

    Me, when I am seventy I will send a piece of my keratin away to Finland and they will send back a perfectly formed minime in about eight months.....

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  20. My dear Amalia, I'm sorry, but these days I'm not in the mood to discuss this so very important theme. I'll do it, but later, if you don't mind. Still I want to say that for me motherhood is a gift, it brings happiness, but is also a huge responsibility and this is the thing that frightens most of us and provokes questions of the type "Am I a good mother for my children?"... The only thing in which I am sure is that I love my son and that he loves me! And I find it very important!!
    Your drawing is my second favourite after "The Sleeping Marionnette"!!! The girl looks safe and protected in the bird's embrace! The mood is a little melancholic, but so intimate! Wonderful! THANK YOU!:)

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  21. My lovely friends, thank you so much for all the wonderful and thoughtful comments... It goes to show that I learn a lot from you everyday!! Motherhood has so many faces, sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm playing the right cards at all... Well at least now I know that my lack of self confidence applies to some of you too and that it's okay to lose it sometimes.

    Cheers all! You're the best!!

    oxox

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  22. "Sad eyes, moon face...
    Why cry, moon face?..."

    I don't remember how I know this verse, but I suppose I've read it while being at the English Language School. I "heard" it when I saw your new, sad, but beautiful as always, header!

    I do hope you'll overcome the things that bother you, Amalia!!xx

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  23. Oh yes! I like it! (the new header) and the blog with white background breathe better... (these last two sentences have rhymed!) hummm... that girl-cloud is sad? or her tears-raindrops are a necklace? I can imagine her lips releasing a smile... This will sound a little bit selfish, but I want that... I don't know if she is a mime or a clown, but sometimes mimes (or clowns) are those who hide the sadness making others smile

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  24. Honey, don't be so hard on yourself. Ah, I am too. Will it help you if I tell you that I don't know what to do sometimes? That I just rely on instinct and the fact that I love my children. I believe my friends who are ahead of me when they say things get better. I have to believe that. I hope the sky stops crying... :(

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  25. What a beautiful and tender illustration! I am not a mother myself so I can't completely understand the experience, but I'm sure that your children will always appreciate what a wonderful mother you are and how much you care for them :) ~Lauren

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  26. The way it works, I'm afraid, is after the children are grown and on their own ~at that time you will realize you have then become the expert you longed to be during the process. It's the same with art; so --one must stop worrying about perfection, and focus on the learning and process as the end all. The missteps and successes are what constitutes the joy of raising children, and making art.
    (Thanks for the link earlier)

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  27. Thank you so much for visit my blog, and for leaving a coment! :)

    Will come back and see your wonderful ART!
    xx

    Johanna, Sweden
    ART

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  28. I stumbled upon your blog tonight and am so happy I did! I too left a full time job (recently) in order to pursue my art and to be present (both physically AND mentally) for my children. I understand the self doubts-I think every mother does. I don't think a person ever realizes how much their parents loved them until they become parents themselves...

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Tell me your lovely daydreams, they always make me smile! ♥