If there is one thing I have learnt over the years about being an artist, is that we are forever changing and continuously evolving. In my own personal cases, my work tends to show changes when I become restless or unsure about something essential. This, I'm afraid, has happened quite a lot in the past. Not very practical, I know, but it is how it is. It is who I am.
Given the state of mind and emotional changes I went through over the past few months, I have noticed some drastic developments in my work. It was to be expected, of course. Like all sudden changes, I had my share of hard times dealing with them. And like many times before, learning to accept them is usually the easier way to go...
Those of you who have continued following my posts over at Instagram may have seen this change. Is it temporary or permanent? That question stays unanswered until today. All I know is that my work, myself both as a person and an artist is a working progress. I don't think any of us stays the same through time. Our world, the people in our lives and the personal experiences we encounter will continue to shape us as a person. Maybe this is one of the bumps in the road that have truly shaken me, enough to wake me up completely and really look around with open eyes.
I don't suppose I'll see the last of these changes. For better or worse, I know that the only way to do now is to embrace it. Because again, it is how it is. It is who I am.
Have you ever experienced anything like this before? If so, please share your stories here with us. I know we can only benefit from them.
It's been almost a year since my last post. I have no bizarre excuse or extraordinary story to explain my absence. Just the urgent need to step back and rethink my purposes in life. Never an easy thing to do, but I knew it was the only way to keep going. When you find yourself constantly questioning the world and the people in it, you are bound to question your own thoughts and actions. It wasn't pretty, and I must admit I still struggle with the answers I found. But here I am, moving on.
The months went by very slowly on hard days, but I found that some days were quite easy to get through when I tried doing things that I enjoyed the most. Exploring new areas and stepping outside of my comfort zone...
So you see, I haven't all together broken down and disappeared into thin air. I'm thankful to many of you who have taken the time to send me messages, asking how I was. You truly are such wonderful friends.
Yes, I was troubled in a way. Something has put an abrupt halt to my pace and taken me to a place where I could view my life from afar. I am grateful for this intervention. Now I can see everything in better perspectives and carry on with a new light on life. So please, stick around, dear friends. Expect more great times here in my happy place. I'll do the best I can to bring them back to you. :)
As a child, I was one big fairy tale buff. I read, dreamed and lived in magical stories from the minute I woke up till I closed my eyes at night. My fantasies were filled with beautiful princesses and dashing princes. Their love stories, and most of all, their happy endings. I think as a child, I expected nothing but happiness in the world, both in reality and my fantasies. It was how I thought life should be, evil slain and lovers united. That is, until I was introduced to the story of The Little Mermaid.
Through that story, I experienced my first taste of loneliness, despair, sorrow and heartbreak. I learned that not all fairy tale brings you joy, and not all has a happy ending. Strangely, it was one of the best fairy tale stories I have ever read and remains a favorite until now. To me, it was an eye opener, as if the harsh reality woke me up from a long slumber, like a bucket of cold water.
I think when I first watched the Disney's version of the story at the age of 13, I learned something even bigger. That humans crave happy endings and will do whatever they can to twist even the saddest tale into a world seen through rose tinted glasses. Which sadly, is far from reality. To a child like me back then, it somehow broaden the spectrum quite a bit, putting another option on the table. I saw life closer to how it really is. Varied, with so many pathways to choose from. The beginning may start the same, but it's up to us to write the ending.
Little did I know that the early wisdom I had learned was the one I would hold on to years later. I know sometimes it's easier to preach than to practice, but it's the one I keep reminding myself of whenever I'm down in a bottomless pit. It is true, that we are capable to write our own destiny, no matter how many obstacles we face. We are more than capable of getting up after we stumble, just the way we learned as a baby. It is one of our most vital instincts and it grows stronger with experience.
These days, I try to teach my children the same wisdom. I want them to understand that life can be sweet and bitter at the same time. That it's wonderful to be happy, but it's also okay to experience disappointment. "Failure" is just a word invented by humans who can't even be bothered to have another go. After all, haven't you heard? The universe lets your heart expand after you go through pain and heartache. It's the only way to let you come out to a better place.
It is without a doubt, one of the best movie quotes I have ever heard . :)
Take care,
PS: The piece of art you see above is titled The Lonely Mermaid and has found a loving home. If you're curious to see a movie closer to the original version of The Little Mermaid, this is the one I watched as a child:
I found myself wandering aimlessly online last night. Hopping from blog to blog, from one site to another, not really knowing what I was searching for. Of course, like most people, I ended up on Pinterest. Naturally. :)
As usual, the amount of possibilities got me excited. I started checking out so many things and ended up pinning what seemed like a thousand pins as ideas for my blog posts. Truly, it was something I have missed ever since my long blogging break. So here I am, ready to show you some of my glorious finds. A little bohemian dream just for you... (please click each image to visit the link)
And something sweet to add into the ambience...
Now of course, my blog post wouldn't be complete without a snippet of art as a finale. So let me show you an original pencil drawing that I created a few months ago about a girl and her Dreamcatcher. It's already found a new loving home, but prints are available in my shop.
Dear friends, if you read my last post, you would know that I'm currently taking one step at a time to find my groove back into blogging. Six months is quite a long hiatus and to be honest, I'm feeling a bit rusty. But hey, you must be wondering what I have been up to all this time, right? Well, other than the usual chaos at home, work has been as unpredictable as the weather. Some days I was quite successful, some days I was not. There were times when I got the strength to finish what I started, and there were also plenty of times when I just quit and walked away. But I kept going, because it's the only way I know how to deal with this.
So anyway, here is a peek into some of the good days. Fortunately, I can't show you the bad days because I usually couldn't even be bothered to pick up the camera....
So there you have it. A little account of some rare moments when I truly felt content during the past six months I have been missing. I really hope things will start to pick up for me from now on and I'm determined to work hard on it. At least the way I know how.
I used to think that when you have been lost once, it would be quite unlikely to find yourself lost again. It just seems ridiculous to fall into in the same dark hole that you had crawled out of in the past. But in my case, apparently, it is possible.
Many of you may have noticed that I've disappeared into thin air since early this year. A day after my birthday to be exact. So much have happened, but so little have made much impact to keep me going inside. If things happen for a reason, then I wonder why many things fail to happen when I desperately need them to. That they're not meant to be? Has the world turned a cold shoulder on me? Perhaps life is a lesson that I'm never meant to understand completely...
And yet I keep going, no matter how exhausted I am. It feels like my dreams have been drained away to the very last drops of their existence and I'm hanging onto what is left of them. I keep telling myself that I can do this, forcing the last shreds of positive thoughts I have saved away somewhere in my mind. But like all thoughts, sometimes they just fade away.
So here I am. Still trying. Still searching for a tiny ray of light that hopefully will guide me out of this darkness. Forgive me for being silent all this time. It's never easy to face your problems, let alone share it with the world. So let this be a step, hopefully towards something good.
My grandmother passed away just a week ago on Valentine's Day at the age of 87. Unlike gloomy situation we usually experience on a sad event like this, I witnessed such a relaxed and peaceful gathering of people, paying their last respects to a loved one. No one cried aloud or kept a longing sad face. Instead, we talked about fond memories and how we will keep her close to our hearts. I think, that is how I would want my final farewell to the world to be like.
I know it's never easy to talk about death. When we think about it, we are reminded of remorse and the fear of what comes after. No one knows what lies ahead and the unknown is always one territory that we tend to steer clear off. I myself, try to think of death as a gate to another realm that we are meant to enter one day. Inevitably, whether we like it or not. What we leave behind in the world with our loved ones will be our legacy. Our words and actions will be saved in memories, hopefully kind enough to never be forgotten.
My grandmother's passing has reminded me of my own presence in the world. The purpose of my existence and how far I've walked down the path. It is such an overwhelming feeling to see your life flashes before you and to know that time freezes for no one. One day that farewell will come. It is up to us to create the best possible memories within the precious period of time we have left.
So take a deep breath dear ones, the blank pages await us...
